"The spider's touch, how exquisitely fine! Feels at each thread, and lives along the line" ~Alexander Pope
As you all know I am absolutely terrified of spiders. Now I know they are much smaller than myself and mostly harmless, but regretfully still when I encounter them, I basically scream like a baby. Well last night was no exception. At about 10:00pm or so while Darren was relaxing, carefree in the hot tub, I on the contrary was inside folding laundry when low and behold emerges a big, black, stealth like spider crawling ever so gracefully across our kitchen cabinets. Just as I moved closer to check him out, he sprung off the kitchen cabinet onto our counter and fell down to the very dark linoleum. I ran to turn on the kitchen light and after finding him crawling across the floor I started to spray him as fast as I could with the orange cleaner I had pulled out as my defense weapon from under the sink. Contrary to what you might think, I was not trying to make him smell good, I was trying to douse him in cleaning fluid so he would shrivel up and die. Now this may sound a bit harsh, but if you have ever lived with me or seen me after the initial spotting of a spider you are probably mildly amused, not at all surprised and definitely expecting the outcome of this story. Unlike most people, when it comes to spiders, I absolutely will only kill them with anything other than a limb attached to my body and I will only take matters into my own hands IF I am the only one there! So anticipating Darren's entrance at any time didn't at discourage me from my next few actions (although it probably should have). The spider (laughing at me- seriously!!), was lying there in a puddle of orange liquid, as I turned my back to continue with the task at hand, I turned back and saw him ever so calm, sauntering back towards the lower cabinets, and yes instead of stepping on him before he was vanished I just continued to spray him with cleaner. At this point, the bottle starts malfunctioning (as if it was really intended for killing insects) and the spray was more like a half mist, therefore allowing the giant spoodle to disappear out of sight. At this point I got a flash light to investigate what crevice he may have entered. But oh no, I see nothing.....HE IS GONE! So I continue to fold my laundry all the while keeping within an arms reach of my orange cleaner and the flash light. So whistling while I work, I then glance down and about 6 inches from my foot is a brown spider (what the heck?)!! Yep you guessed it, I grabbed my manlfunctioning, useless cleaner and continued to mist the heck out of this spider, which seriously vanishes into thin air. He literally was gone. There was no trace of the 2nd spoodle when I moved the stool he was resting under. I have NO idea where he went, I was really going to step on this one especially because I could hear snickers from big blacky in the background. But when I moved the stool, he was NOT there. Yes there was a small puddle (if you could even call it that) of orange cleaner, but nothing else. Close to tears at this point, somewhat from laughing, somewhat from being scared of spides.... Darren comes in and when I tell him what has happened...he laughs a little and tells meI have obviously been doing this for about 20 minutes (He calculated from the time he noticed I had turned the kitchen light on) and that I should probably give it up and quit being a baby. My hopes were crushed, he couldn't find the spider (not that he really looked) and there I was smelling like oranges and utterly defeated.
No comments:
Post a Comment